So… The Internet is down at Starbucks again but I’m not going to get pissed off about it… Do I sound different in Microsoft word? Well it starts with Microsoft word but then I have to scrape it in order to lose the freaky formatting into a .txt, then scrape from there to Word Press and go all the way back through it to get the formatting right… Damn it… Now I’m pissed… What a hassle… I don’t even remember now what I was going to say… Hmm.

I Hate My Mother

Remember Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet? When he would huff whatever it was in that tank and say “Mommy… Mommy” then went about his business doing psycho $h1t… Well I’m not there yet but I totally understood the sentiment.

The thing with my mother is she just doesn’t know when to shut up… Which would be fine, if she had any idea of what the hell she was talking about.

My Mother is a Crazy Mean Bitch
My Mother is a Crazy Mean Bitch

Anyway I made a solemn oath not to just knock her out when she couldn’t shut up and have devised may ways of just not listening to a thing she says… So far that has worked to varying degrees for several decades.

Trouble is like I stated: She doesn’t know when to shut up and unfortunately many people have no defense plan do deal with it… I hope my wife doest knock my mother out.

Fear. F.E.A.R. Phuck Everything and Run.

My mother operates 100% on fear and consequently she makes all kinds of decisions that are just plain screwy… The best bet is to listen to her “advice” and do exactly the opposite… Really… I’m not kidding.

Being raised like that I swung hard the other way… I’m just not scared of anything… She does flight and I do fight… Still not good, because fearless people do some pretty screwy $h1t as well… So if I start giving you “advice” pretty much the smart thing to do is the exact opposite as well.

F.I.N.E. Phucked-up Insecure Neurotic And Emotional

No, Really I’m Fine… I’m so fine as a mater of fact I’ve been going to two and three meetings a day… I hate most AA people becuase the remind me of my mother so I don’t really know why I’m going to so many meetings other that aside from that, I don’t know whether to $h1t or go blind.

 Did I tell you my mother thanked me for being an alcoholic otherwise she would have never found Al Anon? Jesus Christ what a disaster that is… You see, the 12 steps don’t apply to her because she’s got all that figured out… She’s just been abused is all and needs to look out for herself is all… Phuck!… Yeah she’s FINE too.

 Anyway, I’m going to all these AA meetings with a 100 versions of my mother all over hell and this kid is standing outside telling everyone what an ASSHOLE I am… So I got in his face and the little bastard pissed his pants and ran away… God I love Alcoholic’s Anonymous “What you hear here and who you see here, let it stay here”… Good Luck! So the kid pisses his pants and runs away I go back into the meeting and let them have it… The whole story (sans the parts that matter) but the basic rundown of how One Psycho can ruin your whole day… Phuck… Ruin your whole life.

Something very surprising happened… I was surrounded by people that have known me for 22 years and let me know they had my back.

Well Damn… What am I whining about? Never Mind. ( I still hate my mother though)