What is it like being a father?… 100%, absolute terror 24 hours a day 7 days a week… Raising children is like being slowly tortured to death…

Teenagers Are Messed Up

Well… At least mine are, and I’m going to attempt to state my case here without writing a 10 page rant, so,  if this publication seems a little vague and confusing it has just as much to do with my trying to save you from a vicious onslaught as it does my poor writing skilz.


Teenagers are not right in the head
Teenagers are Just Not Right in the Head


Coconut Head #1 is very intelligent and quite talented, however,  she just can’t seem to grasp the concept of  C… A+B= C every time all the time, without variation, regardless of what kind of spin is put on the cause of A or B, C is inevitable… And asking why is pointless because C doesn’t need a reason… C just is.

( I understand that you weren’t expecting any algebra but take heart in the fact that there will not be a pop quiz handed out on this).


C stands consequences, there are many variables of C but they are all C none the less.

 As a parent I watch for A & B and when detected I impose a form of C… A synthetic form of C called Aversion Therapy. I do this in order to prevent re occurrences of A&B.  I do this in place of the natural version of C because C in it’s raw natural state is sometimes lethal.

Are you following me so far?

This action of substituting synthetic C for the real life natural C is a fairly easy thing to do with small children…

Coconut #3 for example accepts the explanation “Because Daddy loves you and doesn’t want you to get hurt and A&B could hurt you real bad if you keep doing it” as a reasonable thing.

The trouble comes when a Coconut Head has had doses of synthetic C for a while and starts to think that the Natural and possibly lethal C was just something Daddy made up to torture and control coconut heads.

It’s at this point when Coconuts do A+B at every opportunity in order to prove that Natural C does not exist in the world there by proving Daddy is a psychotic idiot who runs a gulag for torturing coconuts just because he thinks it’s funny.

This can and often does escalate to a point where synthetic C just keep causing more A&B and what you end up with is Coconuts Gone Wild and even a little bloodshed to boot.


 Here is where it gets tricky and scary as hell so pay attention.

Proving the existence of  natural C to unbelieving Coconut Heads by allowing it in small and hopefully non lethal doses is a hard but necessary thing to do.

This is done by allowing some A&Bs to slide by by keeping your mouth shut… I know…  Sometimes the hardest thing to do is… Nothing… Then wait for the A+ B to add up to C.

Now here is the twist:

You don’t add any synthetic C to the natural C that A&B led up to… You simply advise them without accusation and let them deal with C on their own.

If all goes well and the small doses of  Natural C don’t kill them they will eventually come to believe in the existence of possibly lethal C and understand the equation of A+B=C.

This is the point you can kick them out of the gulag,  sit back for once in the better part of two decades and enjoy a freakin’ cup of coffee without Coconut Heads Gone Wild at full blast making you tear your hair out.

… At least I hope that’s how it works.